Steadman Family

I'm full term now and still no baby. He's decided to wait and force the issue, so tomorrow he comes out via scheduled c-section. I am having a hard time with this. It's entirely my decision and what the doc believes to be the best course of action (based on his size and my history of difficult deliveries). All of us (Dean, the doc, and I) want to avoid a repeat of what happened with Lily's birth. Yet, I can't get past feeling like this is a cop-out. Just going into the hospital and having the baby surgically removed isn't the way it's supposed to be. Then again, none of my birthing experiences have been great; they've mostly been both complicated and traumatic. This, in fact, will probably be my easiest one, so how come I'm struggling with this decision? Maybe it's just plain old fear. It is major abdominal surgery after all, and the recovery is so much more difficult. What if something goes wrong? What if something happens to the baby or I? This is my fear. Of course, something can always go wrong, even with a regular delivery. There is also a little bit of sadness on my part, since this will be my last pregnancy. I know I will miss "the belly" and feeling life grow inside of me, it's such a wonderful thing and I so appreciate the experience of it all!!

I am also very excited to finally meet the newest little man in my life. I hope he knows what he's gotten himself into by choosing us as his family. Two very headstrong and independent older sisters who will fawn over him and love on him constantly!! Hopefully the girls will let Dean and I spend some time with him as well. :) Madie is excited to have another brother and plans on telling him all about Ben. I am so grateful that she feels this way. It will help her to keep her memories of Ben strong within her mind and Rowan (as will Lily) can have some sort of tie to Ben through her. Lily will be her nurturing, baby loving self, which means fighting to get the baby back once she has her hands on him! I am concerned about making sure the girls still get the personal attention they need and deserve from both Dean and I. This will be the hardest for Lily since she is used to all of the attention given to the youngest. Somehow we'll manage, there’s too much love here for it not to reach everybody!!!

Well, I guess that’s all for now. We'll post again soon with new pics and how things are going with everyone.