Update from Melinda
Lily rolled over yesterday. She went right from her stomach to her back in one swift movement. It did; however, appear to be by complete accident according to the startled look on her face. She didn’t repeat the event no matter how many times I put her back on her stomach. Fine by me, I’m in no hurry for her to become mobile yet. Her staying in one place is often the only way I get to have a shower these days.
Both girls are doing well. Madie’s constant search for knowledge is keeping me on my toes. Every day it seems she has a new question, one that often has me thinking hard about both the question and the answer. I love this about her and do my best to give her a straight and honest answer. I try to encourage this communication between us since I know that in a few short years she will look elsewhere for answers.
Lily is growing at an astounding rate, which is pretty typical the first year. Her smiles warm me up inside like a ray of sunshine. I’ve come to notice that she has the same eyes as Ben, which would explain why I can’t seem to stop looking at her. She reminds me of him so much. My heart aches for him constantly and I often wonder how I will make it through this life living with this pain, this ache in my soul.
One way I think is to help others going through the same or similar experience(s). I’ve really begun to get into my scrapbooking, realizing how important it is to preserve my memories of Ben. All of my pictures of him have become priceless possessions since they are all that I have of him now. However, scrapbooking with others is difficult when they don’t have a clue to what you’re going through. Especially when they’re working on their own kid’s books, blissfully unaware of how lucky they are. Anyway, I’m thinking of becoming a consultant for Creative Memories, specializing in helping other parents who have also lost a child. I could provide a way and a place for bereaved parents (or other family members) to scrapbook with others who have also suffered a loss. A place to find support and healing. I’ll try to keep you posted on my progress.
Anyway, it’s late and I’m losing my train of thought so I guess I’ll try to get some sleep. Take care everyone, and have a good weekend.
Melinda
What a wonderful picture of Ms. Lily!
And I think the idea of you consulting for Creative Memories is great. Let us know if we can help in any way!
Love you guys.
Neal and Tara
I think that’s a fabulous idea. You are amazing.
That is an awesome idea. I know after the loss of my mom my goal was to get a scrapbook of her put together. Of course being that time is in such short supply, I have only gotten to her teenage years.
Melinda..you are an amazing person. I know that you don’t feel it but you are.
As for living your life with this pain, you just do. Each minute is a baby step towards the next moment without Ben. You will forever be changed by Ben’s death, as I was by my mom’s. The ache in your soul doesn’t go away, it just tends to get a bit smaller on some days, with explosions of moments here and there. There will be days in which you want to curl into a ball, cover up your head with blankets and cry forever. Then there are days in which so much laughter fills your heart and soul, you feel as better than before.
If you ever want to get together to scrapbook, I would be more than happy to. I will work on my mom’s book while you work on Ben’s, and we can cry together while we remember two beautiful souls that have forever changed our lives.
Love you very much!!!
Shan
I have been a silent witness to your journey through this blog. I think it is a wonderful idea!!! I think it is an amazing way to comfort you and offer support to others. Just awesome…
Hello Steadman Family,
I know I have not touched base in forever….Please forgive me. Lily is absolutely BEAUTIFUL…AS ARE ALL YOUR CHILDREN. I look at a picture of Ben daily as he is conquering the world in his pirate costume!!! Your family is always close to my heart and always in my prayers.
Much Love,
Jennifer
Melinda,
Sorry I didn’t have the opportunity to see you while we were back in Colorado last weekend. I was truly hoping to touch base with you at school. When I found out you weren’t going to be at school, there just wasn’t enough time to leave school, go drop off Graycee and Jayce, stop over to see you, and make it to my gum surgery appt. in Boulder! I was greatly disappointed. This was our third attempt in 2 months to come to CO! Mother Nature just was not cooperating with us!
After reading your last couple of postings, I don’t know that I am much comfort to you. I keep hearing you saying that people who have never lost a child don’t understand. You are right, it’s too painful for me to even try to imagine what you and your family are enduring. But, I am a true believer that we are all here to love and support each other thru good times and bad. Though, I cannot put myself in your shoes, I can be there for comfort or to remind you of the memories I have of Ben.
Life is full of some absolutely wonderful surprises (like baby Lily) and some horrible tragedies (like the loss of Ben). We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond. Most of us never know “why” bad things happen to us, we just have to focus on how to respond to the tragedy. I feel like your too hard on yourself. I feel like you think you should be strong enough to not be overtaken by the grief that your experiencing from the loss of your son. WRONG! It’s healthy to grieve and express your feelings. It’s only human to feel pain so deeply that you experience a bit of hopelessness.
You and Dean are phenomally strong. I believe you will feel pain for Ben for the rest of your lives. But at the same time, you will learn how to accept that pain and find peace in the blessings in your life. You have two beautiful daughters that need you to take your time and grieve and keep ahold of Ben in your hearts, but also find peace in the life you are leading now.
Because the two of you are such an inspiration and Ben made such a huge impact on the lives of those he touched, I believe you should share your gifts of compassion and inspiration to others that have experienced your same loss. Ben would really want you to do this. Utilize your god given gifts to witness to others that are facing the same battles you did with Ben. Both you and the listener will benefit from it. The Creative Memories Business sounds like an excellent idea!
I am going to end with one of my most favorite quotes ever. I truly feel like it fits you and each member of your family…. “to the world you may just be one person, but to one person, you may be the world.” You will never know why you lost Ben, but you also will never know exactly how many millions of lives he touched!!!! Hold on to that thought and cherish it forever.
All my love, thoughts, and prayers,
Alisa
I completely understand your constant sorrow Melinda. We have several mom’s who want to but have a hard time scrapbooking their child’s memories because they are not here any longer.
I will let you know when we will meet again and hopefully we can get all the scrapbooking things together and be able to do that together.
Please call me! I still have that book for you: Closer to the Light by Dr. Melvin Morse.
home number 303-772-3337.
I think of you all every single day!
HUGS
val
from B.R.A.V.E. (Brain tumor Resource And Vital Encouragement)
303-772-3337
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