End of 06… finally.
I just had to post this picture. It makes me feel so lighthearted inside and that feeling is hard for me to come by these days.
Things are going well I suppose. Madie is loving school and all of the friends she has made. She has decided to try out a new sport, but is unsure about which one. She absolutely adores Lily, which makes Dean and I so happy to see, and Lily smiles at her constantly. Lily sleeps through the night now, and seems to be a very content and happy baby. I feel so blessed to have her in my life and as a part of this family. She is helping us to heal somewhat and is a tremendous joy to have around, poopy diapers and all.
I still MISS BEN DESPERATELY every day. Life has become so bittersweet for me, and I feel it will always be that way. How beautiful it would have been to see Ben with Lily. He loved babies so much, and was always begging us to have another one. I asked for a sign from him over the holiday, and I got one on Christmas Eve. I needed black socks to wear with my outfit that evening. I went to my sock drawer to grab a pair, only to discover when I went to put them on, that they were too small. It turns out that they are Ben’s old pair of black socks. I have no idea how long they have been there, or even how they got there to begin with. He always hated wearing socks, and had them off the minute we got in the door. This is probably his way of saying that he no longer has to wear them.
Everyone please have a safe and happy new year. I pray it will be a better one for us. I don’t know that I could handle another year like the one we just had! I would like to make one thing clear though. With Lily’s arrival, and the start of a new year, many people might think that its time to move on and be “over” the loss of Ben. This is an impossablity for me. I will be grieving his loss for the rest of my life. There will always be a hole in my heart and in my soul. I do not expect everyone else to feel this way, or to understand why I do. I only ask that you accept and support me as I slowly try to put the pieces of myself back together. Also, please don’t stop talking about him. I NEED to talk about him to anyone who will listen. It makes me feel better… stronger somehow.
Be good to yourselves and the ones you love
Melinda
P.S. Say a prayer for Alicia Martin and her family. She earned her angel wings on the 23rd while at home in her mother’s arms.
Thanks for sharing the picture of Lily. How fitting that she looks lovely in yellow! I don’t see anything yellow that I don’t think of Ben. Especially the gold finches that come to our bird feeder daily. They make me feel as though Ben is definitely around me.
Take care of yourselves. You are truly special people in our lives.
Much love,
Rich & Dot
I can’t imagine ever getting over the loss of a child, it is something that will be a part of who you are forever, just as the child himself.
Here is wishing you a beautiful, peacful, and wonderful 2007. If anything, your family deserves at least that.
Also, what beautiful children you have!
My dearest Dean, Melinda, Madie, Lily and Ben.
You will never be over the loss of your son, that is a certain. I am at 5+ years of losing my mom, and there are days that all I want is a hug from her to heal my wounds and her death just consumes me. BUT…there are days in which it doesn’t hurt at all, that I appreciate every minute I had with her and can smile on my life with her. Now losing a parent doesn’t even compare to losing a son or daughter, and everyone grieves and heals in their own way. But this is the experience I have to draw upon.
2007 does close the chapter of the year, but not the feelings of it will be so easily discarded. Please take the time you need to miss, love, and grieve your son. But remember that 2007 does start a new chapter of life, yes it is one without Ben in your arms, but he is only a thought away from your heart. You will meet again, but until that time I hope I can be there to help you on writing the pages of the newest chapter.
Hugs to all of you.
I have a collection of your blog I hope you update regularly .