Steadman Family

As many of you know, Ben’s birthday will be coming up on August 11th. People have been inquiring as to what our plans are for this obviously difficult day. We have decided to have a toy drive in his memory. He loved getting them, as all kids do, and I’m not ready to stop that just because he’s no longer here. We’re not sure who to donate them to yet, possibly the new children’s hospital opening this fall, or we may store them until Christmas time for families unable to buy their own. Anyway, for anyone wishing to donate, please make it an age appropriate toy (he would have been 7yrs old), and it can be anything that you would have liked to have gotten him before. You can either drop them off at our house directly, or send them to us in the mail. I understand that this may be too painful for some people, so please don’t feel obligated to do anything. We would also feel honored to have donations made in his memory to any charity supporting cancer research and patients (such as The American Cancer Society or Livestrong). The only other thing that I ask is that you think of him that day and send a prayer up to him letting him know how much he is loved and missed.

Melinda

Yes, my time at Requisite/Click Commerce has finally come to an end. It’s been a good six plus years, but it’s clearly time to move along.

I’ve accepted a position at a startup company in Boulder called Medium as the Director of Community Relations. I’m still a little fuzzy on exactly what that entails, but it boils down to enabling online communities to communicate using a new browser extension that we’re developing. It looks like a great company and I’m excited about the possibilities that this opens up for me.

   Relay for Life in Frederick is coming up, and I wanted to let everyone know that they will be honoring Ben’s memory. The dates are the 4^th & 5^th of August over at the Frederick High Track. They are hoping to get the Sleepless Knights to play Ben’s song live and Dean and/or I will say a few words before the luminary ceremony. I am feeling so honored that they want to do this for us and for Ben. This fundraiser has been responsible for many, many cancer cures in the past, and will be so for the future as well. That’s all I have left to hope for in this situation, a hope that they will find a cure for Ben’s tumor. They sell luminary bags for $10 that you can decorate in honor or memory of someone that will be spread out along the track and in the stands. Anyone interested in getting one for Ben can let me know and I’ll get one to you to decorate and return, or I can get you the order form to order as many as you want and they will decorate them for you. They also need help in other ways, like volunteers to help out at the event.

Got back from my second trip to Chicago in the last three weeks on Wednesday. It’s nice visiting the main office as it makes me feel like I actually have a job still. Hopefully all of that will change in the next few weeks as I learn a little more about some of the job opportunities I’m working on. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Melinda and I are heading out to Vegas again this year. We’re attending a meeting that several other parents who have lost a child to diffuse pontine glioma have arranged. I’m not exactly sure what to expect at this point, but I’m hoping to come away with some plan to begin helping other families deal with this form of cancer. 

It’s hard getting too excited about this trip as I’m sure the whole experience is going to be an emotional roller coaster. I’ve read the stories of most of these families and have cried at the loss of each kid. I’m not sure how to prepare myself to meet them. Guess I’ll just focus on my desire for some good to come from all of this and comfort that they can offer me. 

Let’s just hope that what happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas. 

 

The sites been down for a few days while we addressed an issue with some copyrighted material posted in a comment. It’s all been taken care of in accordance with US Title Code 17, 512, section C. Fun stuff I can assure you.

Alexander is the four year old son of Steve Kasnoff who I worked with at Requisite. He has been diagnosed with juvenile pilocytic astrocytoma - a tumor just under his brain stem. He’s just been released from Children’s Hospital after having a biopsy to confirm his tumor type. He’s doing fine at home and is preparing for a treatment program.

Our hearts go out to Gwen, Steve, Alexander and Zoe. You can follow along and support Alexander’s progress at akasnoff.blogspot.com.

The company that I’ve worked for the past six plus years was bought out last November. I’ve spent the last seven months watching people quit, shipping things to the new office in Chicago and dumping 10 years of company history into the garbage. So for all you ex-Requisite folks, here’s a picture of ALL of the remaining Colorado employees escorting the company sign to the dumpster.

   Sorry about the absence of updates. It’s difficult to explain why, although, Dean did a good job in his latest post. This journey is such a personal one. Yet, I so miss reading all of the comments, they really do make me feel better.

   Madie is doing really well. She is very excited for kindergarten this fall and asks me on a weekly basis how much longer this “school break” is going to last. She also speaks of Ben often and misses him more than she will admit.

   I am doing ok. Every day is a struggle to get through without Ben. Having Madie helps me cope and baby pineapple is now constantly making her presence felt as well. As wonderful as they both are, there is still a giant hole in my life and in my heart where Ben is supposed to be. This loss has sent me on a lifetime journey of spiritual questioning and discovery. I don’t know where I’ll end up; I only hope that it involves the belief that I will see my son again someday.

   I hope everyone had a good 4^th of July holiday yesterday. Madie has been feeling somewhat under the weather, so we kept things low key and had some of our neighbors over for food and fireworks. All the kids had a blast, and the street in now littered with blackened debris.

   Well, that’s it for now. Please check back soon for future updates on the “Secret Garden” and the Frederick/Firestone “Relay for Life” event coming this August.

Melinda

  

  

Sorry for the lack of posts over the last six weeks. It’s hard getting motivated to post about how I’m feeling and what’s going on here in the Steadman household. One one hand we’re excited about the upcoming arrival of little Pineapple (no, we don’t have an official name still), Madie’s having a great summer and getting ready for school and I’m searching for a new job. One the other hand I miss Ben terribly and am really in a funk. I’m not sure that anyone wants to read about the daily battle with depression and writing about the rainbows and butterflies of life feels pretty phony to me right now.

So I have to find a balance. Not just in my posts, but also in my life. I have to find a way to grieve without missing the wonders going on around me. I’m not sure exactly what that means or how to do it, but it’s my first post in six weeks so stop complaining.