Life Cycles
As spring continues toward summer, I am reminded that life must go on. Every tree and bush, every blade of grass knows the cycle of life and its seasons. I am slowly being pulled forward, kicking and screaming, into a new life and a new season, one without Ben. I don’t go willingly, for I want only to go backwards, back to a time when Ben was here. I long to hold him in my arms and breathe him in, to caress his beautiful face and cover it with kisses. The outside world would just disappear and there would once more be the four of us, together again, a whole family.
There is nothing as painful in life as watching you child die before your eyes. As parents, we dedicate our lives to protecting our children from this. Ben went peacefully, in our arms, surrounded by our love. While I know that this is something that many children don’t receive at the time of their passing, the memory of it brings me great pain, as I was helpless to protect him.
They say that time heals all wounds, but so far, time has only allowed the agony of his loss to sink in deeper. Time may dull my pain, but it will never heal it completely. Not until the day that I can be with Ben again.
I love you son, and miss you terribly.
Melinda
My dear Melinda….I love you so much!!! You are correct, Time doesn’t heal all wounds. You will forever be changed by this loss, and always have a “hole” in your heart. As time marches on forward, this hole will grow smaller and the pain will dull to a point in which you will be able to laugh and enjoy life everyday. There will always be moments in which a wave will overcome you, but as the hole grows smaller the distance between the waves will grow wider. You were a great friend for me during the loss of my mother (whether you knew it or not), and I hope that I can do the same for you, Dean and Madie. I hope to see you Satruday at Quinn’s b-day party and I love you very much!!!
Shan
Whoever coined the phrase ‘Time heals all wounds’ ought to be shot. Time passes, and brings distance, but the loss is still there. To deny the loss and the pain is to deny your love for Ben, and I know that you will never do that. So we experience the pain, but with the pain comes the love and the memories. Remember the joy, and hold on to that.
Love,
Cori
Wow. I check on you everyday…even though I don’t know you. I’m sending love from New York City. I have no words to make it any better, but it seems your writing and getting back to the so-called “normal” things in life will carry you on. Springtime and all the rebirth that it represents will carry you through and the love of all who surround you. Blessing Steadman family…we are thinking of you.
Dear Dean, Melinda & Madie,
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you all. I pray that God wraps you all in his arms and brings comfort and strength……Love, Jen
I clicked in “random blog” and discovered your blog. I just want to say this is the most beautiful blog I’ve found and that your son Ben would feel proud of his family if he was here. I wich all child had a mon and dad like you.
Sorry for the invasion…
Sofia - Portugal
Dearest Friend,
You are such an amazing and beautiful woman and friend that I would give anything to help your healing come faster. I wish I could shoulder even some of this pain for you; as you have done so much for everyone else. I truly believe the quote by Elizabeth Stone, “Making the decision to have a child — it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” I can’t even imagine how broken your heart must feel. I know a chunk of my heart went with Ben and the rest just aches for you and Dean and Madeline. I have nothing to offer but these arms to hug you, these ears to listen, and this heart to ache for you.
You are on my mind this morning and something says to post a message. So I LOVE YOU BUNCHES STEADMAN FAMILY!!!! Hope to see you this weekend!!!
Love
Shan
Just letting you know we are thinking of you and your family.
I too wish that we could turn back the clock and have our daughter back.
Unfortunatly that is not possible and we have to face reality each day.
I found this on another site where the family has lost their little boy to DPG as well (http://www.caringbridge.org/ky/ryanbrown/). I hope you don’t mind that I post it here, but when I read it I thought of you my dearest Melinda.
Love you bunches!!!
Shan
Ask My Mom How She Is
My Mom, she tells a lot of lies
she never did before
From now until she dies,
she’ll tell a whole lot more
Ask my mom how she is
and because she can’t explain,
She will tell a little lie
because she can’t describe the pain.
Ask my Mom how she is,
She’ll say “I’m alright”
If that’s the truth, than tell me,
why does she cry each night?
Ask my Mom how she is,
she seems to cope so well.
She didn’t have a choice you see,
nor the strength to yell.
Ask my Mom how she is,
“I’m fine, I’m well, I’m coping”
For Gods sake Mom, just tell the truth
just say your heart is broken.
She’ll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how is she
she’ll lie and say she’s fine
I am here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don’t listen,
Hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
we’ll smile and I’ll be bold.
I’ll say, “You’re lucky to get in here, Mom
with all the lies you told!”
- author unknown
I can’t say I know exactly what you are going through, because I haven’t lost a child. However, reading about your pain brings tears to my eyes because I feel the same way about the loss of my sister. I would still rather have the pain and know my sister than to never have the opportunity to know her at all.
I wish that I could be there to give you a big hug and cry with you, even though I haven’t met you. You and your family seem wonderful and your children are lucky to have you.
Lynda (Josie’s other daughter)
I wanted to share this poem with you:
The Broken Chain
We little knew that day,
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death, we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
You did not go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us beautiful memories,
Your love is still our guide.
And although we cannot see you,
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken,
And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.
~Author Unknown~
Your articles are all-embracing so I can search anything I need here.