Searching For Normal
The last two weeks have come and gone in a blur. I’m not sure if it feels like Ben left us yesterday or years ago. It doesn’t feel right either way.
I’ve found myself falling back into old habits of staying up late and sleeping in. That’s the way life used to be before kids – back in the roaring twenties. Carefree days spent sponsoring the Ben & Jerry’s diet (a pint in the afternoon followed by a sensible pint in the evening) and Magic cards. I keep saying that I’m going to start listening to my doctor and wakeup early to exercise. Then the late night glow of the monitor drags me back into its clutches.
I’m hoping that Madie’s school schedule will force me back into some routine again. I’ve got plans to do a bit of work on the garden this week, but nothing that requires any imagination at this point.
Posted by
at
05:19:47
I cannot believe how fast time has gone…it is already mid April. Sigh…Life without Ben may never feel right. But as time goes on, a new groove will develop that will make life feel a little closer to normal. Until the little peanut is born and throws everything off canter again.
I am not sure who invented the process of excercise in the morning….it must come from some P.O.W camp from one of the wars. A way of torturing a person. I would much rather be sleeping myself.
When I do get into a excercise routine it has always been mid-day (for those early 20’s) and since baby Quinn it has been after he goes down for the night. But since that seems to get later and later, my excercise has gone from a routine of buns of steel to chasing Quinn back to bed everynight.
We need to get together and do dinner, watch movies, or just hang out and talk. I miss you deeply, and would love to see you more often than the pop in visit for 10 minutes.
Love you guys and here are some hugs and kisses coming through the cyber ways. Brace yourself…as they can sneak up on you and knock your socks off.
Shan Abe and Quinn
Dear Steadmans,
My heart aches for you–I heard your family’s story from your friend Amber and then came to your blog to learn more. I wish I had known Ben–he sounds like a cool kid, and you sound like amazing people/parents. Do be kind to yourselves as you continue in the grieving process–I’ve been surprised more than once in my life at how physically and mentally exhausting grieving is. All good thoughts to you.
Laurel Singleton
Dear Steadman Family;
My family does not know you personally, however; we attended Ben’s fundraiser at CVA. Our daughter is a 1st grader. I am so sorry it has taken us so long to send you a note. We wanted you to know that you and Ben are in our thoughts and prayers. We wish we had known Ben. From reading your postings and the article in the newspaper, Ben is an outstanding kid and you guys are wonderful parents and family. Please take time for yourselfs and I’m sure you’ve been told this a million times by now. God Bless each and everyone of you!!!
Jesse, Jaime and Tayler
we love you.
Given what you have been through, it’s quite ok to induldge yourself. Don’t worry about it too much - in time, normal will find you.
-Steve
Was just thinking about you all and wanted to know that we love you and are thinking about you.
Love,
Shan, Abe and Quinn
I find my thoughts drawn to you this morning. All my love, Andrea
Okay, i just read all the comments for today and i have to say that i’m with Andrea this morning. Something just told me to check the blog. We love you so much. Hang in there, and hell step up the pint intake….ice cream helps everything! I am still so sorry for your loss, but I know that some of us must go before to help usher the rest of us in. It’s like Neil (I think that was his name??) said, some of us are leaders even when we don’t want them to be. Wherever he is, Ben is joyful right now. I am just a little selfish in that I wish he was still here with us though. My thoughts are with you today and I just wanted you both to know.
Love you so much
Janice Horn
I think of you and Ben everyday. When I turned my calendar to April there was a full page butterfly and I took it as a message from Ben. I have two quotes that help me. I hope they have some comfort for you. “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience but spiritual being having a human experience.” and “You think everyone is normal until you get to know them.”
With Love and Prayers,
Paula
I think about you all everyday and hope that when you feel compelled to you will post and let those who care know how you are doing. Peace be with you.
Thought about you all today a bunch. Hope you are all coping ok. Much love.
Just a note to let you know that we continue to think about you and Ben. We send our love.
Rich & Dot
Just wanted you all to know that we are constantly thinking about you. We wish that we could take away your pain and sadness. We love you and are always here for you.
Guys,
Just want you to know that we think of you often.
Please let us know if and when you feel up to working on that secret garden and would like a couple extra shovels.
Merri Ann, Paula, and Dexter
I would be happy to help you, but I have a feeling you aren’t near Indianapolis. I don’t think you will ever find normal again. After my sister died, I told my parents that we just need to find a new normal. And as for routine, you will get back to one again at some point. Just remember not to pressure yourself.